And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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