I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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