my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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