hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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