she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
