I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
