i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
