Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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