I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
