I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
