the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize