I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
