honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
