OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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