Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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