I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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