I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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