Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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