ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Found your dick twin last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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