Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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