When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
