my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't think brook has ever known best
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
