if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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