i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
