Screwed.edu
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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