mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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