Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
