i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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