my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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