girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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