wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize