oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
