R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so let's talk penis.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
