Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the day after is always just damage control
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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