let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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