I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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