brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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