Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
