Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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