forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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