She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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