Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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