i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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