here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
