You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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