He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
