The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize