true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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