Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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