Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize