So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
