Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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