i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
