That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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