Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
