I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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