he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
