come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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