Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
