it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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