i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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