My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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