Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How drunk are you?
Completed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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