dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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