I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
