Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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