yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
