sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
