We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
