I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
