please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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