I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
