so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
