she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
